The Hardest Part...

How do you say goodbye when your heart won't let go.

Why is it when you lose someone close to you people always say, "You will get over it", or "The Pain will go away". Trust me, you don't and it doesn't. I lost Gina to a drunk driver in 1988. A day doesn't go by where I don't think about her. I lost my sister to Cancer in 2006. I think about her all of the time. And now there is K. I lost her last month and all I can do is think about her. I see her in my dreams and in my nightmares. I hear her voice when she is not even here. I smell her scent when she is a thousand miles away. And each time these things happen the hurt is that much stronger. The pain is that more intense. It's hard to say goodbye when someone that holds that much of your heart passes, be it in body or spirit.

So how do you say goodbye when your heart won't let go?
You don't. You say I Love You because they will always be right there with you...

Gina,
I love you and I miss you so much. Thank you for always being there.

Vickie,
I love you and I miss you so much. Thank you for being my big sister and always helping me through the tough times.

K,
I love you and I miss you so much. Thank you for all the beautiful moments you gave me. From the first time you said yes to a date with me, the day you said "I Do", and the day our son was born. To the last time you said you loved me and gave me a last kiss. Thank you for those and the million other smiles in between. I only hope that one day I can look pass the pain and focus on the good times.

K, you are my Heart, my Soul, my Life and my Love.
But most of all, you are my friend.

I will love you for all times.

T.

Lets Hurt Even More...

A few days ago I wrote a post that my wife K took the wrong way. She commented on this post which you can read. After explaining what I meant in the post, I posted a personal apology to K and to anyone who saw that post and might have taken it the wrong way.

Yesterday K and I were talking about different things and getting ready to go to the bank and take care of some of the divorce paperwork, when I said that before this new guy came to stay with our son I wanted to know more about him. I had been told nothing about him other than a name he uses on a computer. (not his real name) At this time K got very mad and said I only wanted this information so I could run background checks on this mystery man. I reminded her that someone very close to her had said I should run a background check and that I had told them NO, I didn't want K to think I was spying on her. She continued to say that I didn't trust her and I was spying on her and him. I told her I wanted to run his name through the National Sex Crime Database just to make sure my son was safe. This just made her more upset. I guess wanting to know about the people that might become a major part of my son's life makes me a bad person. Anyway about this time our son was being ask to get pants on for the 5th time. Because of the fight K and I were having at the time I got upset with him and told him I was going to get his pants and he was in big trouble. As I got close to the dryer my son threw something at my back out of anger. This really set me off so I just left the house. Just started walking away. I walked at 5 miles down the road before calling K and letting her know where I was. She did come pick me up and my son said he was sorry.

So yesterday K writes a post to her blog talking about how She shouldn't go on a trip that she is leave for on Friday. Shes afraid that I will do something to the house or steal everything or something. Chaos is how she put it. So just as she had done, I posted a comment on her post. She then took took down the comments on that post. Maybe I was wrong in wanting to know more about this guy before he met my son. If so then I am at fault in this. If not, then this is my only way to tell my side of this story.

K, you are my Heart, my Soul, my Life, and my Love.
But most of all you are my Friend.

I Do Love You...

T.