The Wait...

I have waited my whole life for you. Not knowing if you would ever return to me. Praying for a miracle.

Then it happened. A message. A chance. A dream. You simply said "hello". Enough. Done. You always were able to do that to me.

Your married. I'm not. You're scared. Me too. You say "hang on, don't leave". I couldn't if I tried.

You say "I love you". I Love You Too.

I hope we get the chance to spend our lives together. I will wait for you until the end of days.

I Love You, I Miss You, I Need You With Me.

T...

Soulmates.....

In the last year a lot has changed. I've met new friends and reconnected with some old ones. K is having some issues with depression. I really wish I could help her. I still think about her all the time.

Anyway. If you have followed my older post then you remember me talking about M. She was an old girlfriend that I reconnected with after my divorce and we have seen each other for the last year and a half. Well about a week before the holidays an old friend emailed me to see how I was doing. Ok, you know how in your past you have met someone that when you first saw them you knew that was the one person you were meant to be with? Well this was that "ONE".

We dated many years ago but things just didn't work out betweeen us. I finally got her to agree to meet with me a few months later, but on the day she was to meet me, she had a car wreck. Nothing bad but one of the witnesses went on to marry her and they have been married for the last 20 years. Bad Luck?

I asked M where she saw our relationship going. She said it is just the way she wants it and nothing more. I want a more long term relationship but she just wants the old boyfriend/girlfriend thing. Hell, I have never met her friends. So we want different things in our future.

So what to do. M wants nothing more than what we have and C wants me to wait for her while she desides what shes wants. She is having some marrage issues and has said she wants to spend time with me. She said she feels the same as me but don't know what to do.

So do I Wait for C or stay with M? Tell me your thoughts.

Until we talk again,

T

Happy Holidays... "NOT"

All I can say is thank God the season is over. Yes, I did have my son for almost a week, but it wasn't the same without K there. She was kind of the glue that held our Christmas together.

Then Sunday was the Birds 7th birthday. I drove up to the old house but with K's new boyfriend there I kind of felt like an outsider. Does that make any since? My old girlfriend M is still in the picture but K is still missed greatly.

I will be writing more shortly,

T

Giving up....

I am giving up. One month ago my divorce became legal. I can't live without my son, without her. I cry myself to sleep each night and I'm just tired of it. God I love her so much. I miss both of them more than they will ever know.....

A Rough Day...

I wrote a post today then deleted it because I had posted out of anger. When someone tells you to stop stalking someone and you didn't even know you were stalking them, It will kind of piss you off....

To the person I am told I am stalking.
Even though I haven't seen or talked to you in over a week, you don't have to worry anymore because these are the last word you will ever read or hear from me. Have a great life.

I'm Sorry...

Last night I sat up until 5am in the dark trying to figure out what went wrong between K and I. How could it have just ended after being together for 12 years.

At 4:30am it hit me. I thought that I had finally figured this whole thing out.

You see, about 5 years ago K told me that she needed to talk to me. The scariest 4 words you will ever hear. So we started to talk and she told me that she felt bad because she could not love me the way that I loved her. I heard this and then told her that it was going to be OK because I loved her enough for both of us. Life went on as normal.

About 3 years ago K told me this same thing as before. I again told her that I had enough love for both of us. Life went on again.

About a week before she told me she wanted this divorce, she told me the same thing again. I told her the same as before but this time she said that was not enough.

All of this time I was hearing K but I never understood what she was saying. Last night as I sat there in the dark, I finally understood her. All of this time my heart was filled with so much love, but her heart was an empty shell. She needed to feel the love that for so long I had felt for her.

K. I am truly sorry for not understanding what you were trying to tell me. Please forgive me for this and understand that because of you I am a better man. I do hope that some day you will feel for someone the love that I have felt for you for over a quarter of our lives.

I Love You,

Tony

Sorry for the delay....

On Tuesday, we filed our divorce paperwork and I'm still trying to take in how 12 years together can end at a courthouse in just 3 hours.

Memories Vol. 2 is coming soon.
Stay tuned...

See you in a few days,

Tony