TIME....... Part 1

We spent 2 years together. 23 years ago. We had so much fun together. We shared so much of each other. We were in love.

Then it happened. In one moment in time we decided it was over. Someone told you there was someone else in my life and it hurt you to the core. There wasn't but I had no proof. So in a moments time you were gone. I tried to convince you to come back but the hurt was to deep so I let you go. I let you go so you could find happiness, a happiness that we once shared. You found it. If not forever, at least for many years. You had 2 beautiful kids and a very comfortable life. He gave you everything you needed to be happy.

I spent the next 20+ years bouncing from one relationship to another hoping to find what I had with you. I met some nice ladies and had some wonderful times and I met some truly insane women that a felt lucky to survive. However, I never found what I had with you. I even got married and had my son. I loved Kiki but it still wasn't the same. It still wasn't you.

Every few years you would write to see how things were going in my life and I would tell you things like "everything is great, wonderful". You were still married and seem to be happy so I was not going to get in the way of your happiness. We talked about us from time to time and even went out once when your were having a problem. But the timing was never right for us.

December 27, 2010. The message read: " Hi. How have you been?". My heart skipped a beat. Something was different when said it this time. Something was wrong.

We talked for a few days through text and email. You told me that things were ok at home but could be better. Then it happened. On New Years Eve I asked if you could stop by for a second to meet my son and you showed up. When our eyes met again it was like the last 20+ years had faded away. We talked for a while and then it happened. I reached out and kissed you. You didn't pull away but you acted surprised. After that you needed to go. Didn't want E to get mad. So you left. But not for long... Three days later we met again. This time we did some shopping and then I dropped you off at your car. You came by later that day and this time when we kissed you made sure I knew that it was something you wanted.

I gave you your last kiss of 2010 and your first kiss of 2011. I say we make that a family tradition. We have admitted that we still love each other an that we want to spend the rest of our lives in each others arms.

So where did the last 20 years go?

What 20 years....

Cyndi. You are My Heart, My Muse, My Love, and My One....
I love you.

Tony

The Wait...

I have waited my whole life for you. Not knowing if you would ever return to me. Praying for a miracle.

Then it happened. A message. A chance. A dream. You simply said "hello". Enough. Done. You always were able to do that to me.

Your married. I'm not. You're scared. Me too. You say "hang on, don't leave". I couldn't if I tried.

You say "I love you". I Love You Too.

I hope we get the chance to spend our lives together. I will wait for you until the end of days.

I Love You, I Miss You, I Need You With Me.

T...

Welcome to my nightmare...

Went to bed at 1am and was up at 5. This has become a pattern over the last 2 months. Can't eat, can't sleep, so whats a poor soul to do?

Last night I spent some time talking to a friend of mine who's wife filed for divorce in March. He has done everything he could to fix his marriage and did this with her fighting him every step of the way. Last night they had their 5th session with the marriage consular. She didn't show up. So last night when he got home he told her that he was granting her the divorce. So in 30 days from today they will part ways. There were no kids so when this is final they don't even have to speak to each other ever again. 30 days. That's all it takes in Georgia. In 30 days a marriage of 26 years will end and 2 of my friends will part ways forever. How sad is that? He was the CTO of the same company that I was laid-off from in March. He also lost his job yesterday. Sorry, I forgot to add that I had lost my job in my first post.

So all off this got me thinking. 26 years and it's over in just 30 days. What chance do I have of saving my marriage. When K comes home next week from her trip, 8 1/2 years could be over in just 30 days. That would be her choice. She is away at a gathering/retreat somewhere in Mass.. She did not leave an emergency contact number or any other info about how to contact her this week. If something happens to RA, her mom, or myself this week, I have no way to get her a message. She did call yesterday to see if everything was OK, but I was fishing and she only called the house. I did talk to her but only after I called her. She said when she got to where she was going there would be no cell service.

Well time to wrap things up.

D: I'm am there for you brother. If you need anything you just pick-up the phone and call.

MommyLady: Always remember this, you have always been there for me and K. You have helped us through so much. Both good and bad. And for that I will always love you like my real mom. No matter what happens between your daughter and I, you will always be a very important person in my life.

K: No man has ever loved a woman as much as I love you. We have been through some tough times before and most of the time it's my fault. I know that some times I'm a pain in the ass. And some times I am just an ass.

Because I don't have contact info for you this week I will leave you this in hopes that one day you will find it. If something should happen to me while you are gone, always remember that my spirit will always be right there beside you. Whispering "I Love You" so softly that only your heart can hear it. You are My Heart, My Soul, My Life, and My Love.