TIME....... Part 1

We spent 2 years together. 23 years ago. We had so much fun together. We shared so much of each other. We were in love.

Then it happened. In one moment in time we decided it was over. Someone told you there was someone else in my life and it hurt you to the core. There wasn't but I had no proof. So in a moments time you were gone. I tried to convince you to come back but the hurt was to deep so I let you go. I let you go so you could find happiness, a happiness that we once shared. You found it. If not forever, at least for many years. You had 2 beautiful kids and a very comfortable life. He gave you everything you needed to be happy.

I spent the next 20+ years bouncing from one relationship to another hoping to find what I had with you. I met some nice ladies and had some wonderful times and I met some truly insane women that a felt lucky to survive. However, I never found what I had with you. I even got married and had my son. I loved Kiki but it still wasn't the same. It still wasn't you.

Every few years you would write to see how things were going in my life and I would tell you things like "everything is great, wonderful". You were still married and seem to be happy so I was not going to get in the way of your happiness. We talked about us from time to time and even went out once when your were having a problem. But the timing was never right for us.

December 27, 2010. The message read: " Hi. How have you been?". My heart skipped a beat. Something was different when said it this time. Something was wrong.

We talked for a few days through text and email. You told me that things were ok at home but could be better. Then it happened. On New Years Eve I asked if you could stop by for a second to meet my son and you showed up. When our eyes met again it was like the last 20+ years had faded away. We talked for a while and then it happened. I reached out and kissed you. You didn't pull away but you acted surprised. After that you needed to go. Didn't want E to get mad. So you left. But not for long... Three days later we met again. This time we did some shopping and then I dropped you off at your car. You came by later that day and this time when we kissed you made sure I knew that it was something you wanted.

I gave you your last kiss of 2010 and your first kiss of 2011. I say we make that a family tradition. We have admitted that we still love each other an that we want to spend the rest of our lives in each others arms.

So where did the last 20 years go?

What 20 years....

Cyndi. You are My Heart, My Muse, My Love, and My One....
I love you.

Tony

Not Much....

Not much to say this morning. It was a long night for many different reasons. so I will make this short.

Mrs. S. I love you mom and I am praying for you.

Cyndi. I Love You. I Miss You. I Want You. I Need You.

You are My Heart, My Light, and My Muse.

Until we talk again,

Tony

Moving On...

You must move on. Wow. If I had a dime for every time I have heard that over the last week I would be a rich man.

K and I used to love to work at the race track. Corner Marshal, Corner Worker, Track Safety. There were many different names for what we did but the all meant the same. Having fun. Well we have a race this weekend and at the advise of many friends, I told the powers that be that I would be there. The speed, the drivers, standing next to a race track where only a very small wall keeps you safe from the cars. Everyone thought that it would be good for me to get out and play at the track.

Drivers and workers are a very tight family. We try to protect each other when ever we can. And that's where my problems began yesterday. At the morning briefing everyone asked the 2 questions they always ask. "How is RA? (the son) He's ok. How is K? I don't know. Twenty plus times yesterday I heard the same question. How is K? My sorrow grew heavier each time I was asked, but hen came the really hard part. Driving around the track. I place that had made K and I so happy a few months ago, now seemed like a death march. Much doom and gloom. Every where I looked I was reminded of her. Of us. I would tell myself, Hey that's where K and I used to camp. That's where I took the pictures of her and RA with Patrick Dempsey. That's where she broke her ankle. That's where I blew out my knee. (we were working together at the time and it was K that had to rescue me) Then I passed the field. Right after K got her new van, we drove up to the track and slept in her new van. We drove around the track for about an hour looking for the perfect place to park. After we stopped we climbed into the back and made love in her new van. We then just fell asleep holding each other. God we were so happy together. Yesterday the joy of being at the track left my heart. I wanted so bad to just pack up and run from that place as fast as I could. I do not love being at the track anymore. I loathe it. So much for moving on...

I died a little more yesterday... Please K, help me! Please anybody!!!

K. You are my Heart, my Soul, my Life, and my Love.
But most of all you are my Friend.

T.