Hearts...

  It's a funny thing about the heart.  Sometimes you let someone right in and sometimes it can take months or years to open the heart.  But once you let someone in you can never get them out.

  Here's a question for everyone.  What is the most dangerous four letter word?  "LOVE"  Love is so dangerous because it blindsides us.  Other four letter words are said out of anger or hurt so you see them coming.  Love comes from the heart so it hits you without you even knowing there was an issue.

  Recently I met someone who left me breathless.  She had been in a relationship that ended badly so she was still very gun shy.  She wanted to keep it light and playful and I wanted that too.  She wanted to go slow and see if we could have a relationship with a great foundation.  I wanted that too.  We talked in the now, but from time to time we also talked about the future.  We had a great start.  But then in a blink of an eye everything changed.  A slip of the tongue doomed us.  I uttered that four letter word.   She was not expecting it and it sent chills down her spine.  She stuck it out for a couple of more days, but the damage was done.  In a weeks time We had gone from texting to ending while spending all of our free time together.  We laughed together.  We cried together.  We held each other like we never wanted to let go.  And when the time came each day where I was forced to leave, (another post for another day) nether of us wanted to say goodbye.  We loved being together.

  It ended as quickly as it had started.  After holding each other we were talking about the dangers of my job.  She asked me to be more careful.  She said she would be very upset if something happened to me.  Then I said something that brought back a memory for her.  A very painful memory.  She started crying and she left the room.  After a few minutes she came back and said this was not my fault.  It was.  You see, when I said that four letter word a few nights before, it put pressure on her to start looking in her heart for the same word.  It was not there.  She did not love me.  In time she might have.  It takes some people longer than others to find those words.  She had said she was a little scared because of her last relationship.  I think we were perfect together.  We fit each other.  I just never gave her a chance to find out what was in her heart.

  So the spilt happened and we have texted a few times in the last few days.  She asked me for the impossible.  She asked me to stop loving her.  I can't.  She said she hopes we can be friends in the future and that's what I wanted all along.  Shes still a friend on FB so from time to time I see her post sometime and it makes me smile.  I don't comment or like on her post because she wanted a clean split.  So I'm giving her the space she needs.

  So I sit here now without her in my arms, but forever in my heart.  Hopefully someday she will find the love she couldn't find with me.  I would love to be be back in her life, in her arms again.  Maybe someday that might happen, but for now I will give her space.  But she knows that I will always be waiting for that call when she ready for me to be a part of her life again.

  MS,  I Like you a lot.  a whole lot.   :)