The Snow...

It's snowing here in Duluth. It's rare when we see snow in the Atlanta area and when we do people go nuts. It's the big wet heavy flakes. A light coating on the grass turns the darkness of night into a light glow.

I use to love it when it snowed. Everything looks and smells so new. It would make me want to play. Having fun in the snow...

Not any more. I walked outside tonight and realized that I have no one to play in the snow with. No one to take a walk with. Arms around each other. Hand in hand. Sneaking a kiss in the falling snow. I don't have that anymore. No one to share the snow...

Cyndi will get up tomorrow, go out and play with the kids. I will dream about being with them and having my son with us. All of us together playing in the snow...

One day I hope to be a family again. Waking up together. Watching a beautiful sunrise. Going outside to play. All of this together. A family playing in the snow...

One day I will have fun in the snow again. Me and our family together in the snow...

I Love You Cyndi,

You are my Heart, my Soul, my Life, and my Love. You Are My ONE...


Tony

Fairy Tale: The Do Over....

He was 23 and had never believed in love at first site. She was 16 beautiful and the friend of a friend. When he first saw her his heart filled with joy. Before she said her first to him he was deeply and madly in love with her.

They spent two years together having good days and bad days. More good than bad. They went through a really tough medical problem and their love saw them through it. Then things changed...

He had made some friends that were taking time away from her. He started spending more time with them and less with her. So at some point she was told that he was dating one of these new friends. She was 17 so there was no convincing her that nothing had happened so she finally told him goodbye. It broke his heart to hear that word, but it was even worst on her. He was her everything. She was his everything but he did not see it yet.

A few months later he called her to ask her to meet him. He was going to beg her to come back and was so happy when she said she would meet with him. She never showed to that meeting and their lives would forever be changed.

A car accident keep her from him and before they had a chance to see each other again she met the man that would take her hand in marriage. When he found out about the wedding he was devastated but he still loved her because she still had his heart.

A few years later she called him. She was having some issues and had filed for a divorce. His heart filled with joy knowing that she had come back to him in her time of need. They dated a few times but then she vanished but he still loved her because she still had his heart.

A few years after that, she called him. His heart filled with joy knowing that she had thought of him. He had gotten married and was living what she thought was a happy life. She didn't know that he was filling the void left by her in his heart. Then after a few weeks she vanished but he still loved her because she still had his heart.

Many years past this time without any words from her. He divorced his wife and moved back to his hometown. His heart still longed for her return but she was married and he was not going to get in the way. He still loved her because she still had his heart.

Then she was there again. This time a simple email that said "Hi. How are you?" That was all it took. His heart filled with joy knowing that she was back in his life. She finally told him why she had vanished all of those times. Out of respect for him. It's been two months now and she is still here with him. She is still married but they are having some issues. He still loves her because she has his heart.

I talked to him the other day and we talked about the last 25 years that he has longed for her return and he said he never gave up hope because he loved her and she had his heart. Then I asked him if she loved him any he said said yes. I asked how he knew and he said....

"Because she told me that she loved me because I always had her heart.....

Saying Hi To All My New Readers....

Last night we picked up a few new readers. The most interesting of those would be the one who logged in at 3:49am. I always enjoy new readers and I have nothing to hide as you can read from my post.

So what do I do about my latest readers. Nothing. I can't help how I feel.

Cyndi, I do believe everything you have said.

I Love You my little Angel...

Tony

Fairy Tale Pt. 1

A long time ago in the small village of Lilburn, there lived a beautiful princess that went by the name of Lady Cyndi. Lady Cyndi was the most beautiful in all the land,and although she had this beauty, charm, and was so smart, she was missing the one thing that all princesses need. True love.

At 16 years of age a stable boy named Anthony started working at the palace tending to the needs of the King and Queen. When Anthony and Lady Cyndi first set eyes on each other they knew that they were meant to spend their lives together.

The King and Queen thought Anthony worthy of their daughters love and gave their blessing to the union. So Anthony and Lady Cyndi spent all of there time together from sun up to late into the evening. They knew that they were meant to be together forever so Anthony went to the King to ask for Lady Cyndi's hand in marriage. The King gave his blessing and on the following eve Anthony got down on one knee and ask Lady Cyndi to be his bride.

What the F------

Ever have one of those days that make you say what the hell did I do for this. Well today was one of those days.

Today started out great. Cyndi called and started my day by saying "I Love You". Can't Beat that for a wake up. Well at least I can't beat that for now. So my day started on a high note. I was going to meet her for lunch. Getting to see her is so special. I love to look into her eyes and seeing my future. We talked all morning and made our plans. Then everything went to hell.

Her husband called and told here to stay put because he was coming up there for only the third time since she started working there. Damn. I was really LOOKING forward to see her. wink, wink. Well my surgery will go off without a hitch. WRONG.

Mr. W, you have Pyo genic Granuloma. I form of skin cancer. Can't someone please just stomp on my puppy. That's the only thing left. Had to decide if I was going to tell Cyndi. She just found out Sat. that her mom has cancer. I better tell her or she will kick my ass.

Well things started looking up when I called Cyndi after the doctor's and she wanted me to come by. I got to see her for 10 minutes, the best therapy I could have had, and she did what she does best. Took my hand, kissed me, and let me know how much she was in love with me.

We talked on the phone the rest of the day and texted while she was on her way home. we talked on the phone until I had to go.

I can't wait until tomorrow when I get to talk to my love again.

Cyndi, I love you. You are My Heart, My Light, My Love, and My ONE....

Until tomorrow,

Tony

I Love...

I love the way you make feel, with hope for the future...

I love the way you look at me. Softly, reminding me that your love for me is still strong...

I love the way you touch me. Lightly tracing my fingers with your, running your fingers through my hair...

I love the way you kiss me. Gently at first then with so much passion. So much warmth. So much love.

I love the way you love me. Hopeful, Softly, Lightly, Gently, Passionately, and with so much heart.

I love YOU. Beauty beyond compare. Passion beyond Control. Love beyond boundaries.

I LOVE YOU CYNDI....

I LOVE YOU....

TIME....... Part 1

We spent 2 years together. 23 years ago. We had so much fun together. We shared so much of each other. We were in love.

Then it happened. In one moment in time we decided it was over. Someone told you there was someone else in my life and it hurt you to the core. There wasn't but I had no proof. So in a moments time you were gone. I tried to convince you to come back but the hurt was to deep so I let you go. I let you go so you could find happiness, a happiness that we once shared. You found it. If not forever, at least for many years. You had 2 beautiful kids and a very comfortable life. He gave you everything you needed to be happy.

I spent the next 20+ years bouncing from one relationship to another hoping to find what I had with you. I met some nice ladies and had some wonderful times and I met some truly insane women that a felt lucky to survive. However, I never found what I had with you. I even got married and had my son. I loved Kiki but it still wasn't the same. It still wasn't you.

Every few years you would write to see how things were going in my life and I would tell you things like "everything is great, wonderful". You were still married and seem to be happy so I was not going to get in the way of your happiness. We talked about us from time to time and even went out once when your were having a problem. But the timing was never right for us.

December 27, 2010. The message read: " Hi. How have you been?". My heart skipped a beat. Something was different when said it this time. Something was wrong.

We talked for a few days through text and email. You told me that things were ok at home but could be better. Then it happened. On New Years Eve I asked if you could stop by for a second to meet my son and you showed up. When our eyes met again it was like the last 20+ years had faded away. We talked for a while and then it happened. I reached out and kissed you. You didn't pull away but you acted surprised. After that you needed to go. Didn't want E to get mad. So you left. But not for long... Three days later we met again. This time we did some shopping and then I dropped you off at your car. You came by later that day and this time when we kissed you made sure I knew that it was something you wanted.

I gave you your last kiss of 2010 and your first kiss of 2011. I say we make that a family tradition. We have admitted that we still love each other an that we want to spend the rest of our lives in each others arms.

So where did the last 20 years go?

What 20 years....

Cyndi. You are My Heart, My Muse, My Love, and My One....
I love you.

Tony

Ouch.....

Wow.......

Enough said.......

Close......


I Love You..... :^*

Tony

Smiling.....

I had lunch with Cyndi today. Chili's. we sat down at the table and I reached across and took her hand. Held it until they brought our food. I felt so alive just knowing she was with me.

We had some laughs and talked about her mom. I must have told her I loved her a hundred times. I hope she doesn't get tired of hearing that. I love to tell her and want to yell it from the highest mountains. I want the world to know it. She was so beautiful setting there. she smiled at me the whole time. Made me tell her things that I would have never told anyone else. She has a way to make me talk....

Our lunch ended and I walked her to her car. Kissed her and told her I loved her again. (just in case she had forgot) Told her the ending to a story I had started early in the day. She smiled and then we parted. I missed her as soon as she drove away and then started that long drive back to the house to wait to talk to her again. We talk a lot while she works. We most likely talk more each day than she talks to her husband. Sorry dude but her heart belongs to me...

I will write more tomorrow as things have turned around for the Dread Pirate. Happy days are here again...

I Love You Cyndi. You are my Heart, My Light, My Muse, and My ONE....

Until tomorrow,

Tony

Not Much....

Not much to say this morning. It was a long night for many different reasons. so I will make this short.

Mrs. S. I love you mom and I am praying for you.

Cyndi. I Love You. I Miss You. I Want You. I Need You.

You are My Heart, My Light, and My Muse.

Until we talk again,

Tony

CANCER!!!!!

I just found out that Cyndi's mom has cancer. I love this lady. She was like a mom to me. She took me in when I was kicked out of my house. She treated me like her own son. I need to talk to her. But I can't.

I need to hold Cyndi right now. She needs me. She knows that I will be there for her. She knows that I will be there to give her the support she so badly needs at this moment. I need to be there for her. I need her to be here for me. We need to hold each other and not let go. I need to talk to her. But I can't.

I talked to her this afternoon and I had told her that we needed to be together because we don't know how long we have. This was just a few hours before we knew anything about this.

What can I do. I can't call her. I can't talk to her mom. They both need support from the people that love them. Her mom doesn't even know I still feel this way about her. Mrs. S, I'm here for you. Even if I can't be there with you.

Cyndi. I love you so much and I don't want to wake up one day and find that something has happen to you without me being there.

Cyndi, Mrs. S, I love you both. I wish I could be there for both of you, and I need both of you so much right now.

Tony

Worried....

I was told today that the woman who scared me the second most in my life, (Cyndi's Mom) long story, had a biopsy. done and the doctor wants to talk to her about the results. I am praying with all my heart that she is ok. I haven't seen her in many years but I'm holding out hope to see her soon. She is a strong woman and so kind. Please Mrs. S. Please be ok.

I also pray for Cyndi. She had some medical issues awhile back and got no support from the one person that should have been most concerned. He wasn't there for her in her time of need and most likely won't be there for her Mom. Cyndi, I'm right here for you.

I pray for K and M. (Cyndi's kid's) Her mom and dad are very hands on with the kids.

Cyndi I love you and I'm here to support you no matter what. I have always been here and will always be here.

Cyndi, I miss you and I'm here for you, K, and M. But most of all I'm here for your mom. I only wish you could tell her they I am thinking and praying for all of you.

I love you, Come back home.

Tony

A weird kind of happiness...

She picked me. She's couldn't pick me. Confused yet?

She chose to stay with her husband. She wants to be with me. She has told me this. I have seen it in her eyes Heard it in her voice....

She is staying for her daughters sake. She is afraid of the mental strain a divorce may have on a very beautiful little 9 year old girl. Told her that if she's not happy then her daughter will feel that, know matter how hard she attempts to hide it.

So why am I happy about all of this?

When asked if kids were not involved what choice would she had made....

She Chose Me!!!! I am the one she wants to be with. I'm the one she wants to wake up to each morning, Lay down with at the end of the day, Have my arms wrapped around her.

She Chose Me!!! To give me her love and mine to her for all time.

I know we will be together. she is my light, my heart, my love.

She has a fear of something that she is not ready to talk about. I will wait. As long as we have each other I Will wait. We have each other and that's what's important.

I Love You Cyndi,

Until tomorrow,

Tony

Decisons

Last night two people, one I love dearly the other I have never met, sat down together to make a decision that effected three peoples lives. At the time I don't know what that decision was. I will most likely know before I finish writing this post.

One decision, three lives. I know what I hope she decided. I think I know what she decided. They are not the same. He has 20 years with her. I have 25 off and on. The rest will have to wait....

A Poem For Cyndi....

I said that I loved you. You believed me.

I said that I needed you. You believed me.

I said that I wanted to spend my life with you. You believed me.

I said I would wait for you. You believed me.

You said that you loved me. I believed you.

You said that you needed me. I believed you.

You said that you wanted to spend your life with me. I believed you.

You said you would wait for me. I believed you.

Where did it all go wrong?

Why Can't you believe me anymore?

Where did the trust go?

I still believe in you.

Please still believe in me.

I still love you.

I still Need you.

I still want to spend my life with you.

I still will wait for you.

Do you still believe me?

I do still believe you.

I do still believe in US.



I Love You Cyndi.

Yours always,

Tony

Lost...

I lost you just when I found you. I understand. He has everything to offer you. I have only my heart, my love. He had you first. 20 years. That's a long time for anyone. I will not bother you anymore. You know how to reach me if you need me.

Your happiness is whats most important to me and that seems to be him.

I will never let go of you in my heart. I will only leave if you ask. I am here for you forever my love. I wish I knew how to make you love me like you love him. There is a reason you left me all those years ago.

I hope that someday you will call and tell me that you chose me.

I will love you forever Cyndi.

Tony...

The Wait...

I have waited my whole life for you. Not knowing if you would ever return to me. Praying for a miracle.

Then it happened. A message. A chance. A dream. You simply said "hello". Enough. Done. You always were able to do that to me.

Your married. I'm not. You're scared. Me too. You say "hang on, don't leave". I couldn't if I tried.

You say "I love you". I Love You Too.

I hope we get the chance to spend our lives together. I will wait for you until the end of days.

I Love You, I Miss You, I Need You With Me.

T...

Soulmates.....

In the last year a lot has changed. I've met new friends and reconnected with some old ones. K is having some issues with depression. I really wish I could help her. I still think about her all the time.

Anyway. If you have followed my older post then you remember me talking about M. She was an old girlfriend that I reconnected with after my divorce and we have seen each other for the last year and a half. Well about a week before the holidays an old friend emailed me to see how I was doing. Ok, you know how in your past you have met someone that when you first saw them you knew that was the one person you were meant to be with? Well this was that "ONE".

We dated many years ago but things just didn't work out betweeen us. I finally got her to agree to meet with me a few months later, but on the day she was to meet me, she had a car wreck. Nothing bad but one of the witnesses went on to marry her and they have been married for the last 20 years. Bad Luck?

I asked M where she saw our relationship going. She said it is just the way she wants it and nothing more. I want a more long term relationship but she just wants the old boyfriend/girlfriend thing. Hell, I have never met her friends. So we want different things in our future.

So what to do. M wants nothing more than what we have and C wants me to wait for her while she desides what shes wants. She is having some marrage issues and has said she wants to spend time with me. She said she feels the same as me but don't know what to do.

So do I Wait for C or stay with M? Tell me your thoughts.

Until we talk again,

T