Ouch.....

Wow.......

Enough said.......

Close......


I Love You..... :^*

Tony

Smiling.....

I had lunch with Cyndi today. Chili's. we sat down at the table and I reached across and took her hand. Held it until they brought our food. I felt so alive just knowing she was with me.

We had some laughs and talked about her mom. I must have told her I loved her a hundred times. I hope she doesn't get tired of hearing that. I love to tell her and want to yell it from the highest mountains. I want the world to know it. She was so beautiful setting there. she smiled at me the whole time. Made me tell her things that I would have never told anyone else. She has a way to make me talk....

Our lunch ended and I walked her to her car. Kissed her and told her I loved her again. (just in case she had forgot) Told her the ending to a story I had started early in the day. She smiled and then we parted. I missed her as soon as she drove away and then started that long drive back to the house to wait to talk to her again. We talk a lot while she works. We most likely talk more each day than she talks to her husband. Sorry dude but her heart belongs to me...

I will write more tomorrow as things have turned around for the Dread Pirate. Happy days are here again...

I Love You Cyndi. You are my Heart, My Light, My Muse, and My ONE....

Until tomorrow,

Tony

Not Much....

Not much to say this morning. It was a long night for many different reasons. so I will make this short.

Mrs. S. I love you mom and I am praying for you.

Cyndi. I Love You. I Miss You. I Want You. I Need You.

You are My Heart, My Light, and My Muse.

Until we talk again,

Tony

CANCER!!!!!

I just found out that Cyndi's mom has cancer. I love this lady. She was like a mom to me. She took me in when I was kicked out of my house. She treated me like her own son. I need to talk to her. But I can't.

I need to hold Cyndi right now. She needs me. She knows that I will be there for her. She knows that I will be there to give her the support she so badly needs at this moment. I need to be there for her. I need her to be here for me. We need to hold each other and not let go. I need to talk to her. But I can't.

I talked to her this afternoon and I had told her that we needed to be together because we don't know how long we have. This was just a few hours before we knew anything about this.

What can I do. I can't call her. I can't talk to her mom. They both need support from the people that love them. Her mom doesn't even know I still feel this way about her. Mrs. S, I'm here for you. Even if I can't be there with you.

Cyndi. I love you so much and I don't want to wake up one day and find that something has happen to you without me being there.

Cyndi, Mrs. S, I love you both. I wish I could be there for both of you, and I need both of you so much right now.

Tony

Worried....

I was told today that the woman who scared me the second most in my life, (Cyndi's Mom) long story, had a biopsy. done and the doctor wants to talk to her about the results. I am praying with all my heart that she is ok. I haven't seen her in many years but I'm holding out hope to see her soon. She is a strong woman and so kind. Please Mrs. S. Please be ok.

I also pray for Cyndi. She had some medical issues awhile back and got no support from the one person that should have been most concerned. He wasn't there for her in her time of need and most likely won't be there for her Mom. Cyndi, I'm right here for you.

I pray for K and M. (Cyndi's kid's) Her mom and dad are very hands on with the kids.

Cyndi I love you and I'm here to support you no matter what. I have always been here and will always be here.

Cyndi, I miss you and I'm here for you, K, and M. But most of all I'm here for your mom. I only wish you could tell her they I am thinking and praying for all of you.

I love you, Come back home.

Tony

A weird kind of happiness...

She picked me. She's couldn't pick me. Confused yet?

She chose to stay with her husband. She wants to be with me. She has told me this. I have seen it in her eyes Heard it in her voice....

She is staying for her daughters sake. She is afraid of the mental strain a divorce may have on a very beautiful little 9 year old girl. Told her that if she's not happy then her daughter will feel that, know matter how hard she attempts to hide it.

So why am I happy about all of this?

When asked if kids were not involved what choice would she had made....

She Chose Me!!!! I am the one she wants to be with. I'm the one she wants to wake up to each morning, Lay down with at the end of the day, Have my arms wrapped around her.

She Chose Me!!! To give me her love and mine to her for all time.

I know we will be together. she is my light, my heart, my love.

She has a fear of something that she is not ready to talk about. I will wait. As long as we have each other I Will wait. We have each other and that's what's important.

I Love You Cyndi,

Until tomorrow,

Tony

Decisons

Last night two people, one I love dearly the other I have never met, sat down together to make a decision that effected three peoples lives. At the time I don't know what that decision was. I will most likely know before I finish writing this post.

One decision, three lives. I know what I hope she decided. I think I know what she decided. They are not the same. He has 20 years with her. I have 25 off and on. The rest will have to wait....

A Poem For Cyndi....

I said that I loved you. You believed me.

I said that I needed you. You believed me.

I said that I wanted to spend my life with you. You believed me.

I said I would wait for you. You believed me.

You said that you loved me. I believed you.

You said that you needed me. I believed you.

You said that you wanted to spend your life with me. I believed you.

You said you would wait for me. I believed you.

Where did it all go wrong?

Why Can't you believe me anymore?

Where did the trust go?

I still believe in you.

Please still believe in me.

I still love you.

I still Need you.

I still want to spend my life with you.

I still will wait for you.

Do you still believe me?

I do still believe you.

I do still believe in US.



I Love You Cyndi.

Yours always,

Tony

Lost...

I lost you just when I found you. I understand. He has everything to offer you. I have only my heart, my love. He had you first. 20 years. That's a long time for anyone. I will not bother you anymore. You know how to reach me if you need me.

Your happiness is whats most important to me and that seems to be him.

I will never let go of you in my heart. I will only leave if you ask. I am here for you forever my love. I wish I knew how to make you love me like you love him. There is a reason you left me all those years ago.

I hope that someday you will call and tell me that you chose me.

I will love you forever Cyndi.

Tony...

The Wait...

I have waited my whole life for you. Not knowing if you would ever return to me. Praying for a miracle.

Then it happened. A message. A chance. A dream. You simply said "hello". Enough. Done. You always were able to do that to me.

Your married. I'm not. You're scared. Me too. You say "hang on, don't leave". I couldn't if I tried.

You say "I love you". I Love You Too.

I hope we get the chance to spend our lives together. I will wait for you until the end of days.

I Love You, I Miss You, I Need You With Me.

T...

Soulmates.....

In the last year a lot has changed. I've met new friends and reconnected with some old ones. K is having some issues with depression. I really wish I could help her. I still think about her all the time.

Anyway. If you have followed my older post then you remember me talking about M. She was an old girlfriend that I reconnected with after my divorce and we have seen each other for the last year and a half. Well about a week before the holidays an old friend emailed me to see how I was doing. Ok, you know how in your past you have met someone that when you first saw them you knew that was the one person you were meant to be with? Well this was that "ONE".

We dated many years ago but things just didn't work out betweeen us. I finally got her to agree to meet with me a few months later, but on the day she was to meet me, she had a car wreck. Nothing bad but one of the witnesses went on to marry her and they have been married for the last 20 years. Bad Luck?

I asked M where she saw our relationship going. She said it is just the way she wants it and nothing more. I want a more long term relationship but she just wants the old boyfriend/girlfriend thing. Hell, I have never met her friends. So we want different things in our future.

So what to do. M wants nothing more than what we have and C wants me to wait for her while she desides what shes wants. She is having some marrage issues and has said she wants to spend time with me. She said she feels the same as me but don't know what to do.

So do I Wait for C or stay with M? Tell me your thoughts.

Until we talk again,

T