Moving On...

You must move on. Wow. If I had a dime for every time I have heard that over the last week I would be a rich man.

K and I used to love to work at the race track. Corner Marshal, Corner Worker, Track Safety. There were many different names for what we did but the all meant the same. Having fun. Well we have a race this weekend and at the advise of many friends, I told the powers that be that I would be there. The speed, the drivers, standing next to a race track where only a very small wall keeps you safe from the cars. Everyone thought that it would be good for me to get out and play at the track.

Drivers and workers are a very tight family. We try to protect each other when ever we can. And that's where my problems began yesterday. At the morning briefing everyone asked the 2 questions they always ask. "How is RA? (the son) He's ok. How is K? I don't know. Twenty plus times yesterday I heard the same question. How is K? My sorrow grew heavier each time I was asked, but hen came the really hard part. Driving around the track. I place that had made K and I so happy a few months ago, now seemed like a death march. Much doom and gloom. Every where I looked I was reminded of her. Of us. I would tell myself, Hey that's where K and I used to camp. That's where I took the pictures of her and RA with Patrick Dempsey. That's where she broke her ankle. That's where I blew out my knee. (we were working together at the time and it was K that had to rescue me) Then I passed the field. Right after K got her new van, we drove up to the track and slept in her new van. We drove around the track for about an hour looking for the perfect place to park. After we stopped we climbed into the back and made love in her new van. We then just fell asleep holding each other. God we were so happy together. Yesterday the joy of being at the track left my heart. I wanted so bad to just pack up and run from that place as fast as I could. I do not love being at the track anymore. I loathe it. So much for moving on...

I died a little more yesterday... Please K, help me! Please anybody!!!

K. You are my Heart, my Soul, my Life, and my Love.
But most of all you are my Friend.

T.