I see the pain. The hurt that is tearing at her heart. The anger that only one that has been hurt, truly hurt, can feel.
I watched her sleep last night. It was a dark night. Darker than most. The lightning from a passing storm flashed across her face. In that moment I saw a smile. It's been a rare site to see her smile. She was having a dream. I knew it was not about me. She doesn't smile for me anymore. In that moment she was out of the pain. The pain that I started in her many years ago. In that moment she was happy. A hope that her happiness last longer than one fleeting moment in the dark.
I told her last night that I was not going to let her hurt me anymore. I didn't mean it in a bad way. I told her that I would always love her, that means I will always be in pain. I told her that I was letting go of the anger. I was giving her the freedom to love without having to worry about my striking out at her. Hoping to take away some of the pain...
K, you are my Heart, my Soul, my Life, and my Love.
But most of all, you are my Friend.
T.
Happy Thanksgiving
6 days ago
4 comments:
My first time to your blog...and i am blown away. Your sharing is like healing...don't stop sharing. Thanks so much for visiting my blog and leaving your comments. More to come...
hang in there brother
This is also my first time visiting your site. You have a way with words.
Keep your head up.
Dude.... i bopped over from Christopher's place because it sounded like your spouse had died and i was going to leave condolences.
i found something a little different.... you love her, respect her wishes.... as for you, you sound depressed and suicidal..... maybe you didn't intend to come across that way, but that is the way it comes across. i'm glad you told your wife you weren't going to harm yourself.
if you are feeling that way understand there is professional help available. you certainly have a situational reason to be down..... however, there is down and there is clinical depression.
i recommend you get some help to see you through these tough times.....
if i called it all wrong, kewl.....
here is one of my favorite songs by the Raveonettes..... enjoy.
Thanks all. Just knowing that someone is out there makes everything a little better.
Miz: This outlet does help me heal a little, but I also hope that it lets others know that they are not alone. BTW I to am from the ATL. You go girl.
C.C.: Thank you for you kind words. It's hard to keep your head up when you feel like the weight of the world is resting on it. But I will give it my best shot.
Ghost: Thanks for your concern. Over the last two weeks,(thats when the problem started) I have explored places in my mind that had always been there but I had stored to keep from ending up on the 6 pm news somewhere.Some of those places were really dark. But expressing them here has given me an outlet to clear those dark areas. I have a love that still fills me with hope and a 6 year old son who depends on me for his happiness.
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